My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
