She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
