Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
