guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
