She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
