Already got asked if we're dating
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
