the new term for farting is butt boxing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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