booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
