Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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