just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
