Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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