I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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