go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
