Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
