i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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