i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
