U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Randomize
