i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
