Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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