the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
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