I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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