So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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