That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
