I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
