Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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