If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
