I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
