did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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