whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
