Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
