i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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