Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
