I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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