My nipple is on Facebook.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
