I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
