Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
