you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
