I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
