watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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