A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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