he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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