Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
