I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Where is the hickey?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
