How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
