i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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