Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
