Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
