I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
