just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize