my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
