be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
