i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
