Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize