i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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