nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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