No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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