JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
