And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
