tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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