We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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