He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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