I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
