I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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