If that was your dad, he is hot
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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