did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
