remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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