Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
