Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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