Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
