Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
