well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
