I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
