I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize