Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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