I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you win again, gameday.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
