he thought i was a dude.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize